Thursday, August 13, 2009
I have so much on my mind always about my kids. It doesnt' matter how old they get, how long they've been married, or how far away they live, I still worry.
Christy and Justin are doing very well, I'm so proud of how their lives are turning out together. Justin is a wonderful guy, who often deserves a medal of patience with my hormonal daughter at the moment, lol. Couldn't ask for a better son in law. My biggest worries with her right now are all surrounding "marvin". Hoping things continue to go along fine in that dept. Also, crazy mom I am, maybe, but when you read about women being murdered and their babies ripped away, scares me. Esp when Christy tells me how one of her "friends" wouldnt speak to her upon hearing of her pregnancy, jealousy's of her own lack of becoming pregnant. Then, same said chick is all best friendsy like.....lets hope she's not one of those psycho people. I know, I know, momma's worried for nothing. Right.
Brian has his own issues. Being laid off for an undetermined amount of time with absolutely no work in the valley is the main issue. His ex wife, unfortunately is the other issue that just won't go away. They were granted with shared parenting and the time shared with Jacob is going well for the most part. However when she decides she wants Jacob during Brian's time with him, she has this way of telling Brian how she WILL pick him up at noon instead of the designated 4pm that was court ordered. So far Brian hasn't given in to any of that, but it's getting old. Also, according to their child custody papers written by the courts, there is NO custodial parent and both have to agree on medical issues of Jacob, schooling issues with him, and several other "shared" decisions. Once again, she TELLS Brian that Jacob has been enrolled in pre-school, but didn't give him a schedule for the boy. He has no problem with Jacob going to pre-school, but it was to be a SHARED decision on the place. They've already been ordered to each pay half of any preschool he might attend. With Brian being laid off and no medical insurance right now, she had Jake picked up on Medicaid, which she has refused to give Brian a card for, saying "They told me we only get one we have to share."......A lot of good that would do if something, God forbid, would happen and she weren't available to bring the card......
As for Josh, well, still in that limbo until December when he leaves for the Navy. He's working at Sams Club, meeting with his recruiter, and basically hanging out and fishing a lot. He had a meeting today with the recruiter who politely told Josh he has to drop 9lbs now, too many late night munchies I guess. He's been working out on his days off with swimming, weights and basketball at the Y, so hopefully he can lay off the nighttime beverages and snacks a bit.
As for me, well, there is a meeting on my behalf with Workers Comp later this week. I did recently receive a check for a find of more of a loss to the affected ankle then what was previously determined. The doctor and attny's are still trying to have my back put on that claim and to have a permenant total disability where the ankle is concerned. I haven't heard anything about the SS claim for about 3 mths, however I was forewarned to not be surprised by a 8 mth wait on that one.
On that note, I hear my bed calling. Maybe I won't wait 2 mths next time to update.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I think it would be nice to add a little girl to the family and I find myself referring to this new one as "she" but on the other hand, boys are soooo much easier then girls I think.
Christy is my baby girl and has been out on her own for 13 years. That's left me living in a house full of testosterone, Tom, Brian, Josh and now Jacob. I do miss the female connections but I'm just not sure I'd want to deal with all the drama of little girls.
My niece has 2 daughters who are often around and I get to "remember" just how little girls are. The other day an ant was on Emily's leg, and omg, you'd have thought it was chewing her leg off the way she was screaming, an ant! Jacob on the other hand got very upset when she killed it. He likes to pick up bugs, any bug, and bring it to us to see it. Little girls get upset if they get dirty, LOL not our Jake, the dirtier the better
and that's ok by me, he'll wash as will his clothes.
Granted, you can buy cute little things to dress the girls in and boys, well it's pretty much jeans and tshirts. My own little girl however HATED to wear pretty dress up things for the most part, so, not much difference in that even I guess.
All I truly care about is getting a healthy happy baby, be it Olivia or Jack, it will be loved and spoiled by memaw as much as Jake is.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Brian got his divorce, and as stated before, shared parenting of Jacob. He has Jake Weds, Thurs Friday and Sat nights. He just got called back to work this week on afternoons, sooooo, Weds, Thurs and Fridays I am at his house with Jacob until Brian gets home at 11:30. I just think it's best for Jake to be in his own home more then in mine.
Brian is back to work, however, it's supposed to be for only 2 mths, then off for a longggg time. Projected date for Mayflower to be up and running as normal, is 2012!
Josh is excited and antsy to get going into the Navy, however he has to wait until Dec 7. In the meantime, my "smart boy" really messed the top of his right foot up. He's always been one of these people who can get poison ivy by sitting on the porch, well, add the fact that he LOVES to fish and is often in the weeds, he gets it frequently. Mr genius has for a few years been self treating, against nurse mommy's advice. He will take a kitchen scratch pad, rub directly on the poison until it's raw and bleeds then put bleach over it. Not only is that very painful and stupid, but he gave himself a bad chemical burn to the top of his right foot. It did get infected and so bad he couldnt even put a shoe on. After a trip to ER, with no insurance, I'm hoping he's learned his lesson about that.
Christy and Juddy were in over the weekend. We had a fun time. All the family was here for a cookout, and with 500 water balloons to be filled and thrown around, everyone went home wet and happy. I really enjoy when they can make it home for a weekend. I dont really see her often enough. We do however have good phone time, usually 3-4 times a day.
Still working towards getting some sort of income for me. That damn EORH has sent me to manyyyyyy doctors who all basically agree with the same diagnosis to just send me to another. I've been to Pittsburgh, Columbus, Morgantown, Steubenville, Wheeling, Zanesville, Cambridge and most recently they sent me to Canton. Now wtf! That doctor in Canton told me, he can't understand why they sent me to him, he'd gone over my records, run his own tests to only give, yet again, the same diagnosis that EORH has disagreed with for 5 yrs. He told me that this is how they give you the run around in hopes you'll get so frustrated you drop your case. I just can't wait til everything is resolved.
And now, I'm no longer alone in the house, my day has started.............
Friday, April 10, 2009
After another hour of cleaning up the mess in the bedroom and digging powder out of his nose and ears, all's well......
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
i'm sure my purse isn't as interesting as yours but.....inside we found
memory stick< no clue why
3 matchbox cars< never know when we need them
camera case, which normally holds this camera
Friday, April 3, 2009
if i had the money and means, i'd take off to where the fk ever i landed and stay.........
just reinforces my thoughts, the dead are the lucky......
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Yesterday am was a court hearing for the custody for Brian, as you may or may not know, his wife moved out a couple of months ago taking Jacob with her. She has filed for divorce, he, not wanting that but after mths of begging her, got his own attny and filed for a temp custody hearing to be able to see his son. Since moving out, Jacob is with her mom, she works everyday and goes to school mon, weds, friday nights, yet Brian was either told, "no, you can't come get him" or no one answered the phone when he called. Maybe twice a week the mother in law let him come pick up his son. He is used to being the one to get the boy up every morning, cooking him breakfast, bathing him, dressing him then spending the entire day with him, yet because she decided she wants to be un-married, Jacob and Brian are forced to lose that close connection they've had for Jacobs entire life. Brian has been laid off from Mayflower since before Christmas, giving him the entire day with Jake while she worked and went to school, before the lay-off, he worked 3-11 therefore did all the same morning routine.
Yesterday he was told, legally, he could get full custody of Jacob, but he decided he wanted to do shared parenting because his son needs to be close with his mom as well. Mature of my son, and dont get me started on my thoughts of "close with his mom". Divorce, probably being reduced to dissolution, will be on or about May 18.
Josh took and passed his ASVAB test to enter the Navy yesterday as well. With no jobs around that are of much account and him not getting any younger, felt this was his best course of action to get ahead. Personally, as his mom, I'm not thrilled with him joining up during war times when everything is so unstable. He is however, an adult and I know he's thought this through for a long while, visiting with every branch of the service before deciding on the Navy. I can only wish all the best for him, pray for him, and be there for him as I always have and always will.
Christy and Justin are going thru some changes in their world as well. Not like my other two kids, but life changing events are happening that I truly believe will be for the best for both of them. This will however take them further away from me, making me somewhat sad, I miss the shit out of her now, don't see her often enough, but again, they are adults and typically make good decisions. Everyone has to do whatever is necessary in todays world for the best for themselves.
Doesn't matter how old or how far away those three are, I'm still mom, I still love them all to pieces and worry when things are in an upheaval. Momma bear still brings out her claws to protect her cubs.........
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill... barefoot...
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids
about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undoneâ€&brkbar;'cause that's how we rolled dig?
We didn't have fancy crap like ! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the ! With games
like ' ' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for 20 cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!
The over 30 Crowd
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I have another appt with my attny in Columbus this friday, he's the one appealing my SS application, I guess we'll see how that fairs out.
I first hired him, Jeffrey Buskirk, to help me with my SS issue, his office then recommended I see Phillip Fulton, also in Columbus because apparently I still fall under workers comp. They do seem to be good lawyers, and I've definately seen progress, but it's a killer to go that far for appts. My back just doesnt appreciate a long car drive, that I personally have loved my whole life. It was nothing to hop in the car, start driving and end up in another state *not counting wva.,LOL*. Christy and I would always love to fire up the music, and just drive, no destination or time frame in mind, I miss those days.
As most of you know, Tiff had her little baby Lily last friday, on Juddy's birthday actually. She calls me in the morning to wake me, wanting me in the delivery room with her, I was with her for Braylon. I got up, showered, talked to her, shes 4 cm and the dr predicts late afternoon,, Good news! I can make coffee and wake up. Its about 10 am at this point......Going to take mom's car to MF hosp, so I walk down, call Tiff, she can't talk because the nurse is there to do the catheter, she'll call me back......wait,,, well, Tiff calls, guess what, Lily is here LOL, no fuss no wait with that little one. Fortunately Misty had gone to the hospital so Tiff didnt deliver alone.
Brian, Jacob and I spent the day together, we even picked Tiff and Lily up and drove them home. I've had a day full of babies, Jacob, Braylon and that teenie tiny little doll Lily, and trust me, this granny is feeling it, heading to bed now.....
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Times Leader, Sunday March 1...........One of our 50 States is missing by Kay Sedgemer.
Apparently a citizen of New Mexico was in D.C. at a shopping mall, in a major store, to purchase a new suit. When the man gave his id and check to the cashier he was then informed, "I'm sorry sir, we can't take checks from outside the country." The shopper informed the cashier that New Mexico is indeed IN the country and a state. A second cashier agreed with the first, telling the man, "no, New Mexico isn't a state, its part of Mexico and we can't accept your check." The man then asked to see a manager, who unbelievably agreed with the two cashiers!, New Mexico isn't a state??? it's part of Mexico???? I'm sorry but when the citizens of the United States don't even realize what is or isn't a state, omg, scarey thought. The man finally used a credit card, which apparently they will accept from "out of the country" to make his purchase. He then said he should warn fellow New Mexicans to be sure and have a passport when traveling to D.C.
This article just leaves me shaking my head. Don't schools teach kids whats a state and whats not anymore??? Sad to think that one day these same kids will actually be running this country.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Came home Brian and Jacob came over for a lil visit, That always makes me smile, that lil guy is just simply amazing, every day something new, I love it. I mean, how many people could get me to hang a spongebob squarepants shower curtain in my bathroom?? only Jake, LOL and yes i did and yes he loved it.
As much as I hate to do it, I'm needing to cancel out on m trip to Louisianna with my bud lacey, I just know that trip will be too painful on me. Shes upset, no doubt, but, she'll be fine. After all shes going to her son's for a visit shes not had in more then ten yrs. My going along with her probably isn't a good thing anyway. Altho, no doubt we'd have had a good time.
Haven't watched the news today, but mostly its never anything I want to hear anyway, so sad, the 11 yr old in Pa, the missing Hayleigh in Florida, and lets not even look at politics.....so, not much to write about tonight. Maybe in a day or so....
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Yesterday I had a Drs appt with my Dr who I've seen for over 20 yrs. She scheduled me for a new MRI fr Mon, this presents a problem I haven't yet solved, gave me new pain meds and also informed me that as of next Friday, she's retired! Retired??? how can she do that??? She can't retire until I"m fixed!!! ~le sighs~. She's promised to get the results of this MRI on Tues so she can "hook me up with someone good to help me out once shes gone". All I can do is hope... One good thing she did for me was fill out some papers to send to Great Lakes so my student loan will be pardoned and thats 4k less for me to worry about paying back. Apparently Mr Obama is pardoning student loans taken out by ppl who since have become disabled to work,,, I fall into that category and now the Dr has filled the necessary paperwork to get this done. If our govt is doing this for me, wtf with disability???
Monday at 1pm, appt in Steubenville, no car, Josh and Tom both work, Brian has no exhaust on his truck, mom's car won't start, Tiffany is a possibility, but should someone between 8-9 mths preg drive me that far on roads that may or may not be good dependant upon snow??? I don't think so, therefore I'm unsure how I'll make that appt, but I know I HAVE to make it. Best case scenario in my eyes, Tom never calls off work, I'm legally his responsibility, let HIM take the day off and do his duty, God knows he doesn't do many of those.
Jacob is all kinds of confused about his life right now, as are a few of us. His mommy has decided she just "can't live" with his daddy "right now" so the child is taken to his nana's to sleep at night with his mom. He comes up during the day to stay with daddy while mom's at work or school or wherever, therefore I see him just about every single day. When it's time to leave he cries, huge tears dropping off those chubby cheeks and he begs me, "pwease memaw lemme live wif u, me sweep at ur house", to which normally I have to tell him mommy wants you to come to nana's and mommy's the boss. This comes off like me being the bad guy but I have no choice. Night before last he was allowed to sleep over at my house, he grabbed his daddy and said tytyty daddy! He was one happy lil bundle that night, and even with my back as bad as it's been this week, we had a veryyyy fun night. I just wish I could grab that lil guy up and run far away from all the hurts and troubles in this world, however, that place doesnt exist any more then my ability to do such a thing.
Moving on and getting offline, I've got to try to get some laundry done today, would be nice if the husb type person would see it fit to stay home one saturday and help me out some, but, hes off galavanting somewhere with his brother, as usual.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I finally applied for disability on advice of the first attny and my family dr. LOL what a joke that is as well. I was of course denied, and I will type here exactly the words used in the denial.
We realize you have problems with your back and ankle that keep you from standing, sitting, bending, squatting, or walking however we believe there is a job that you are still able to perform. LOL whats left? laying on my back? that seems to be the only thing they agree I AM able to do. Is this our govts way of kindly saying, you can still be a hooker. Gawd and yes I personally know a 25 yr old female, in the valley that worked a total of one week, ONE FLIPPIN WEEK of her entire life, claimed a back injury and not only got approved, but a very nice check to "catch her up from time of supposed injury". You can find said person in a bar on any given weekend dancing it up, out riding 4wheelers and many other activities I couldnt do if my life depended on it.
I was told you always get denied on the first try, to submit it again for appeal, I did, guess what, another deny with the same reasons as the first.
I've gotten myself not one, but 2 attnys, both in Columbus, one is working on the disability denials. His name is Jeffrey Buskirk and it was he that recommended the second attny, Phillip Fulton, super attny for Ohio workers comp.
My first meeting with Mr Buskirk leaves me very hopeful. I went to his office armed with every single piece of medical documentation I have collected over these yrs on my case. As Mr Buskirk explained what medical diagnosis are needed for a definate win of disability, even tho to me, thats a loss, not a win, I was able to pull out proof that I did indeed have each and every single diagnosis. Of course I wouldnt give him my original copies, he did make 2 copies of each, one for his own records, one to submit to SS. And now on that, I continue to wait.
Mr Phillip Fulton also fills me with some hope that the original workers comp case for me in all of this is far from over. I'm within the time realm for an appeal to have my back added on. Mr Fulton also feels that my employer, who made me see quack dr for so long without having any treatment whatsoever is liable for further injury that time in itself has caused. Time will tell.
Throughout all of this, I've lost so much of my life, living in pain, learning to adjust to what I can and can't do, I've fully lost my independance and that kills me almost as much as the rest. I am now possitive that all of the political bs you have to go thru when you are injured at work and when you attempt to get help, is all there to wear you down so you simply give up and do what you can do. I can't afford to give up nor can I morally accept that this is it for me. I will continue my battle until something is done to help me. In the meantime, I will stay in my little drab world without way or means to go anywhere or see anyone as long as it takes. Thank God for Jacob, he's been my sanity these last 3 yrs. Without that chunky smiling face and sloppy baby kisses, hearing him say, memaw me love you forever, I'm sure I wouldnt still be here to type all of this....
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
On Oprah one day, they were talking about overweight teens and told those teens to complete this sentence......."If you really knew me, you'd know____
I thought about that sentence, wondering how I might complete it myself. It seems my answers appeared quite morbid when I'm not really a morbid kind of person. If you really knew me, you'd know I'm so very discontented in my life and I think about death daily. Now, one might say, if you're discontent in your life, change it. Ok, that's all well and good, but sometimes circumstances stop the ability to make that change.
Now, I'm not a whiner, don't like to air my problems and situation out there for the world, but a few choice people know exactly what I mean. So much has been changed and taken from me in the past few yrs, its next to impossible at this time to gain much of it back.
I'd love nothing more but to get back to work, how that would help me in so many ways. I have tried to get my Dr. to release me, she won't. I've even gone behind her back, as stupid as that really is, attempted to get a job, but sighs, I never pass the physical. So here I sit, not even in my 50's, intelligent, hold a license to practice as a Registered Nurse, yes I keep up my CEU'S and my license are current,yet I'm constantly broke, have no vehicle, no ability to walk or stand as I once had and maybe worse of all no caring spouse that actually gives a damn.
What's stopping me from passing a physical or working you might ask, well the latest MRI says,
lets talk the back first......neurogenic claudication, moderate stenosis, herniations at L4-L5 and L5-S1 with moderate foreminal narrowing and of course lets add degenerative disc disease to that, now for the right ankle/leg we have neuropathy that causes my right leg to go numb, almost feels like its "asleep" and it gives out causing me to fall frequently. All of this started with a bad twisting fall at work, while on the job, to which I completed my entire shift, THEN stopped in ER and was put on temp workers comp.
One of my biggest bitches with that, the hospital in which I was employed is self insured for comp, meaning I see their Dr of choice. I was sent by her to many, they total 8 different specialist in 3 different states, all coming back with the SAME diagnosis and treatment plan to which she says, "I disagree, I'm sending you to another one". This went on for a total of 3 yrs, with that incompetant bitch Dr refusing treatment because she "didnt agree" with the diagnosis I was given. Now mind you, one of the Drs that tested and saw me is Dr. Daniel Wecht out of Pittsburgh, he is first rate in the practice of neurology, yet this piddly small town Dr i HAVE to see, disagrees with him. Oh, I should add, she never would add or admit that I acquired a back issue, she only addressed the right ankle. Anyway, fast forward, she eventually decides, without ever issuing treatment, with the exception of telling me to use a cane to help deter the falls, she decides, woohooo I'm healed!
Its been a horribly long battle, my own physician wouldnt treat the back issue, she claims its a worker comp issue, and the workers comp dr claims it not, stalemate for them, big issue for me.
Ugh, see this is why I dont like blogging LOL, I get into a story, reread it, dang that need to reread, and I think to myself, who cares, wheres this going and worst of all, how do I continue my story without feeling it's too long, complicated and who really wants to read it anyway. Soooooo that being said, and the fact my lil man just showed up. I will close this for now, maybe finish the saga of my sad life at another time.......
Friday, February 6, 2009
So sick of winter, I can't wait to get back outside, breathe in fresh ENJOYABLE air that doesn't freeze your lungs. It feels like this winter is never going to leave. Too much ice and snow but mainly too cold the temps.
In about a mth, I'm supposed to be going on a trip. As most of you who know me, you know my best bud "lacey" lives in Kentucky. Now, I've known her for several yrs and ever since the beginning of our friendship, she's called me Thelma and I've called her Louise. We've always said we were going to do a "road trip" of our own one day and that day is coming quick. The initial plan is to head to Louisiana, maybe New Orleans, Baton Rouge or Lafayette, but now she'd mentioned possibly Reno instead. I dont know, thats not so far from that famous Grand Canyon!
My favorite lil man of all time is about a mth shy of his 3rd birthday, and the past 3 yrs have been some of the most fantastic of my life. That boy is sure to bring a smile to my face regardless of my mood or attitude. Just seeing that lil chubby face, having him plop himself in my lap with kisses and hearing him say, Me wuv u memaw, just melts anything bad away. He's been such a joy and blessing to my otherwise uneventful pretty drab world. When Jacob is here, nothing else matters, and anything I do, hes sure to "help u memaw". Lots of extra added love has gone into many many meals while Jakes around.
Well its late, and maybe I can actually fall asleep tonight........gonna go try.
Since Christy is the Princess, and I'm her mommy, does that give me permission to sign off as The Queen? LOL