Monday, February 23, 2009

made my appt! yayyy

Well, I made it to my MRI, the husb type person decided he better take me. Full report back to Dr by tomorrow, we'll see what those new results say.

Came home Brian and Jacob came over for a lil visit, That always makes me smile, that lil guy is just simply amazing, every day something new, I love it. I mean, how many people could get me to hang a spongebob squarepants shower curtain in my bathroom?? only Jake, LOL and yes i did and yes he loved it.

As much as I hate to do it, I'm needing to cancel out on m trip to Louisianna with my bud lacey, I just know that trip will be too painful on me. Shes upset, no doubt, but, she'll be fine. After all shes going to her son's for a visit shes not had in more then ten yrs. My going along with her probably isn't a good thing anyway. Altho, no doubt we'd have had a good time.

Haven't watched the news today, but mostly its never anything I want to hear anyway, so sad, the 11 yr old in Pa, the missing Hayleigh in Florida, and lets not even look at, not much to write about tonight. Maybe in a day or so....

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Need to rant.....

It's been some kind of week....Monday and Tues were horrible. I had so much pain that I couldn't stand up straight or walk without help. UGH so so sick of this. Tom borrowed *is that even true? borrow drugs illegally?* Percs from his mother. Thank God for that, they helped, eased it up enough that I stopped crying and actually started moving. But then, there always has to be a downside, can we say ITCH. omg I felt like I had fallen into the poison ivy patch. Every part of my body was itchy. So now lets add benedryl,,, ahhh sweet relief at last, not much pain, and no more itch, plus, sweet sweet sleep.

Yesterday I had a Drs appt with my Dr who I've seen for over 20 yrs. She scheduled me for a new MRI fr Mon, this presents a problem I haven't yet solved, gave me new pain meds and also informed me that as of next Friday, she's retired! Retired??? how can she do that??? She can't retire until I"m fixed!!! ~le sighs~. She's promised to get the results of this MRI on Tues so she can "hook me up with someone good to help me out once shes gone". All I can do is hope... One good thing she did for me was fill out some papers to send to Great Lakes so my student loan will be pardoned and thats 4k less for me to worry about paying back. Apparently Mr Obama is pardoning student loans taken out by ppl who since have become disabled to work,,, I fall into that category and now the Dr has filled the necessary paperwork to get this done. If our govt is doing this for me, wtf with disability???

Monday at 1pm, appt in Steubenville, no car, Josh and Tom both work, Brian has no exhaust on his truck, mom's car won't start, Tiffany is a possibility, but should someone between 8-9 mths preg drive me that far on roads that may or may not be good dependant upon snow??? I don't think so, therefore I'm unsure how I'll make that appt, but I know I HAVE to make it. Best case scenario in my eyes, Tom never calls off work, I'm legally his responsibility, let HIM take the day off and do his duty, God knows he doesn't do many of those.

Jacob is all kinds of confused about his life right now, as are a few of us. His mommy has decided she just "can't live" with his daddy "right now" so the child is taken to his nana's to sleep at night with his mom. He comes up during the day to stay with daddy while mom's at work or school or wherever, therefore I see him just about every single day. When it's time to leave he cries, huge tears dropping off those chubby cheeks and he begs me, "pwease memaw lemme live wif u, me sweep at ur house", to which normally I have to tell him mommy wants you to come to nana's and mommy's the boss. This comes off like me being the bad guy but I have no choice. Night before last he was allowed to sleep over at my house, he grabbed his daddy and said tytyty daddy! He was one happy lil bundle that night, and even with my back as bad as it's been this week, we had a veryyyy fun night. I just wish I could grab that lil guy up and run far away from all the hurts and troubles in this world, however, that place doesnt exist any more then my ability to do such a thing.

Moving on and getting offline, I've got to try to get some laundry done today, would be nice if the husb type person would see it fit to stay home one saturday and help me out some, but, hes off galavanting somewhere with his brother, as usual.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The rest of the story......

After all of the bs with comp dr I did indeed get an attny, in the valley and I'll just say, he is the comp attny for a very well spoke of lawyer. He was never able to have my back added on as part of the initial claim, even after giving proof of an MRI showing a definate problem within the first month of my injury at work. He said the best he could do was settle with the hosp on a permanent partial disability based on the neuropathy in the ankle. Now mind you, thru all of this I still have my back issue, the comp dr refuses to treat it, as in her words, its not part of the claim, my own family dr refuses to treat it, putting in writing to both me and the comp dr that she does not deal with workers comp injuries and based on tests done by the comp dr on my back cleary shows this injury needs added to the claim. Thru several yrs and a lot of bs and tests run on me, I have a file full of drs visits, MRI reports, EMG's Xrays yadda yadda, still never receiving one iota of treatment.
I finally applied for disability on advice of the first attny and my family dr. LOL what a joke that is as well. I was of course denied, and I will type here exactly the words used in the denial.
We realize you have problems with your back and ankle that keep you from standing, sitting, bending, squatting, or walking however we believe there is a job that you are still able to perform. LOL whats left? laying on my back? that seems to be the only thing they agree I AM able to do. Is this our govts way of kindly saying, you can still be a hooker. Gawd and yes I personally know a 25 yr old female, in the valley that worked a total of one week, ONE FLIPPIN WEEK of her entire life, claimed a back injury and not only got approved, but a very nice check to "catch her up from time of supposed injury". You can find said person in a bar on any given weekend dancing it up, out riding 4wheelers and many other activities I couldnt do if my life depended on it.
I was told you always get denied on the first try, to submit it again for appeal, I did, guess what, another deny with the same reasons as the first.

I've gotten myself not one, but 2 attnys, both in Columbus, one is working on the disability denials. His name is Jeffrey Buskirk and it was he that recommended the second attny, Phillip Fulton, super attny for Ohio workers comp.
My first meeting with Mr Buskirk leaves me very hopeful. I went to his office armed with every single piece of medical documentation I have collected over these yrs on my case. As Mr Buskirk explained what medical diagnosis are needed for a definate win of disability, even tho to me, thats a loss, not a win, I was able to pull out proof that I did indeed have each and every single diagnosis. Of course I wouldnt give him my original copies, he did make 2 copies of each, one for his own records, one to submit to SS. And now on that, I continue to wait.
Mr Phillip Fulton also fills me with some hope that the original workers comp case for me in all of this is far from over. I'm within the time realm for an appeal to have my back added on. Mr Fulton also feels that my employer, who made me see quack dr for so long without having any treatment whatsoever is liable for further injury that time in itself has caused. Time will tell.

Throughout all of this, I've lost so much of my life, living in pain, learning to adjust to what I can and can't do, I've fully lost my independance and that kills me almost as much as the rest. I am now possitive that all of the political bs you have to go thru when you are injured at work and when you attempt to get help, is all there to wear you down so you simply give up and do what you can do. I can't afford to give up nor can I morally accept that this is it for me. I will continue my battle until something is done to help me. In the meantime, I will stay in my little drab world without way or means to go anywhere or see anyone as long as it takes. Thank God for Jacob, he's been my sanity these last 3 yrs. Without that chunky smiling face and sloppy baby kisses, hearing him say, memaw me love you forever, I'm sure I wouldnt still be here to type all of this....

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

If you really knew me, you'd know......

Ok, I've never been much on blogging, I'm not sure if it's because I have a very boring existence these days, or I'm just afraid to lay my REAL thoughts and feelings out there for others to judge.

On Oprah one day, they were talking about overweight teens and told those teens to complete this sentence......."If you really knew me, you'd know____

I thought about that sentence, wondering how I might complete it myself. It seems my answers appeared quite morbid when I'm not really a morbid kind of person. If you really knew me, you'd know I'm so very discontented in my life and I think about death daily. Now, one might say, if you're discontent in your life, change it. Ok, that's all well and good, but sometimes circumstances stop the ability to make that change.

Now, I'm not a whiner, don't like to air my problems and situation out there for the world, but a few choice people know exactly what I mean. So much has been changed and taken from me in the past few yrs, its next to impossible at this time to gain much of it back.

I'd love nothing more but to get back to work, how that would help me in so many ways. I have tried to get my Dr. to release me, she won't. I've even gone behind her back, as stupid as that really is, attempted to get a job, but sighs, I never pass the physical. So here I sit, not even in my 50's, intelligent, hold a license to practice as a Registered Nurse, yes I keep up my CEU'S and my license are current,yet I'm constantly broke, have no vehicle, no ability to walk or stand as I once had and maybe worse of all no caring spouse that actually gives a damn.

What's stopping me from passing a physical or working you might ask, well the latest MRI says,

lets talk the back first......neurogenic claudication, moderate stenosis, herniations at L4-L5 and L5-S1 with moderate foreminal narrowing and of course lets add degenerative disc disease to that, now for the right ankle/leg we have neuropathy that causes my right leg to go numb, almost feels like its "asleep" and it gives out causing me to fall frequently. All of this started with a bad twisting fall at work, while on the job, to which I completed my entire shift, THEN stopped in ER and was put on temp workers comp.

One of my biggest bitches with that, the hospital in which I was employed is self insured for comp, meaning I see their Dr of choice. I was sent by her to many, they total 8 different specialist in 3 different states, all coming back with the SAME diagnosis and treatment plan to which she says, "I disagree, I'm sending you to another one". This went on for a total of 3 yrs, with that incompetant bitch Dr refusing treatment because she "didnt agree" with the diagnosis I was given. Now mind you, one of the Drs that tested and saw me is Dr. Daniel Wecht out of Pittsburgh, he is first rate in the practice of neurology, yet this piddly small town Dr i HAVE to see, disagrees with him. Oh, I should add, she never would add or admit that I acquired a back issue, she only addressed the right ankle. Anyway, fast forward, she eventually decides, without ever issuing treatment, with the exception of telling me to use a cane to help deter the falls, she decides, woohooo I'm healed!

Its been a horribly long battle, my own physician wouldnt treat the back issue, she claims its a worker comp issue, and the workers comp dr claims it not, stalemate for them, big issue for me.

Ugh, see this is why I dont like blogging LOL, I get into a story, reread it, dang that need to reread, and I think to myself, who cares, wheres this going and worst of all, how do I continue my story without feeling it's too long, complicated and who really wants to read it anyway. Soooooo that being said, and the fact my lil man just showed up. I will close this for now, maybe finish the saga of my sad life at another time.......

Friday, February 6, 2009

Hillbilly Medical Lingo

Anally — occurring yearly

Artery — study of paintings

Bacteria — back door of cafeteria

Barium — what doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel — letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarian section — district in Rome

Cat scan — searching for kitty

Cauterize — Made eye contact with her

Colic — sheep dog

Coma — a punctuation mark

Congenital — friendly

DC — where Washington is

Diarrhea — journal of daily events

Dilate — to live long

Enema — not a friend

Fester — quicker

Fibula — a small lie

Genital — non-Jewish

G.I. Series — soldiers’ ball game

Grippe — suitcase

Hangnail — coat hook

Impotent — distinguished, well known

Intense pain — torture in a teepee

Labor pain — got hurt at work

Medical staff — doctor’s cane

Morbid — higher offer

Nitrate — cheaper than day rate

Wow, I forgot I had this

Until Christy started her own blog, I totally forgot that I had started this one. A yr has gone by with no posts from me. Not even sure what to blog now to be honest, but, I might as well try.

So sick of winter, I can't wait to get back outside, breathe in fresh ENJOYABLE air that doesn't freeze your lungs. It feels like this winter is never going to leave. Too much ice and snow but mainly too cold the temps.

In about a mth, I'm supposed to be going on a trip. As most of you who know me, you know my best bud "lacey" lives in Kentucky. Now, I've known her for several yrs and ever since the beginning of our friendship, she's called me Thelma and I've called her Louise. We've always said we were going to do a "road trip" of our own one day and that day is coming quick. The initial plan is to head to Louisiana, maybe New Orleans, Baton Rouge or Lafayette, but now she'd mentioned possibly Reno instead. I dont know, thats not so far from that famous Grand Canyon!

My favorite lil man of all time is about a mth shy of his 3rd birthday, and the past 3 yrs have been some of the most fantastic of my life. That boy is sure to bring a smile to my face regardless of my mood or attitude. Just seeing that lil chubby face, having him plop himself in my lap with kisses and hearing him say, Me wuv u memaw, just melts anything bad away. He's been such a joy and blessing to my otherwise uneventful pretty drab world. When Jacob is here, nothing else matters, and anything I do, hes sure to "help u memaw". Lots of extra added love has gone into many many meals while Jakes around.

Well its late, and maybe I can actually fall asleep tonight........gonna go try.

Since Christy is the Princess, and I'm her mommy, does that give me permission to sign off as The Queen? LOL